Dissapointment

It's been about a month since I have heard the news that I have not wanted to hear since the day I started thinking about fertility treatments. I usually don't have a hard time sharing things about myself (obviously!) but this was hard to take in and to let it out, but I have come to peace with it. If you have been following a long we started them, obviously with no luck. We'll we tried different treatments for about three months. I went in for my ultra sound results to hear "I don't know how to help you, you need to take a break from trying so your body can regulate." I really just wanted to yell, kick and scream and say "that is what you are supposed to be doing!!!" HELLO! My body is not going to regulate when it is attacking itself and I have nothing to slow it down. Needless to say I didn't say that, I put on my big girl panties and tried looking at this in my optimistic way. She told me to come back after I have completely healed from the foot surgery and maybe things would be settled down by then.
It seems like I'm always waiting for the next treatment, supplement, drug or surgery to move on. When are things going to be calm and I don't have to wait to get better? It has been over three years since we have been trying to add to our family and being told I have to wait longer was another stab to the heart. My life is a game of waiting lately. Wait for the next arthritis drug to come out, wait for surgery, wait to get into see a new rheumatologist....then maybe, just maybe something good will come out of this waiting game. Not being able to live it up while you are waiting is hard and disappointing. This is not the type of life people should live. So while I'm waiting I will do my best to put on my happy face and enjoy the days I have been gifted with.
Peace,
Em